Lilith: The World's First Ex

8/11/2017

This was first posted on my Blogspot blog in September 2015. It’s since been rebooted for this. I admit it’s unusual for this site because it’s not a review or commentary on a modern book or movie, but it was very popular in ‘15, and I like the story. Ironically, I never heard of it when I was a Christian. It wasn’t until I converted to Buddhism that I read the original tale of Lilith. I’ve now written a modern version of the story for you lovelies. Enjoy!

Ever hear of Adam's ex?
They broke up over vanilla sex.

In the garden of Eden, God created man, named Adam, from the earth. Also from the earth, He created a woman, named Lilith.

(Yes, I know Lilith isn’t mentioned anywhere in the Bible. Shut up and keep reading.)

For a while, Adam and Lilith were a happy couple. They were living in a garden of plenty and immortality. It's hard to be upset about that.

But there was a problem. Adam was a bit traditional in the bedroom. The guy liked missionary style. That's fine every now and then, but Lilith wanted to try something new. She wasn't getting crazy with costumes and dildos; she just wanted to be on top.

Adam said no. He was "the superior one" and Lilith, as a woman, was "only fit to lie in the inferior position."

Lilith argued that they were both created from the earth. Ergo, they were both equal. But Adam wouldn't listen to her, and she wouldn't listen to Adam.

When she realized this was getting nowhere, Lilith said, "Fuck this," and left the Garden of Eden.

(I am not making this up. They seriously broke it off because of sex and Lilith was so angry she willingly left the garden of immortality and pleasure for crappy Earth. That's got to be the worst divorce in all mythology.)

Outside of the garden, Lilith met hundreds of demons, and had sex with a lot of them. Even Satan was there, and he didn't mind taking the bottom bunk one bit.

God was just grossed out, and you can't really blame Him. If you're all-knowing, then you're constantly subjected to way too much information that you'd rather not know. He was also stunned with the number of babies Lilith was having. I don't know why He was surprised. If you have a lot of sex before the age of birth control, you're going to have a lot of kids.

He tried to talk her into coming back to Eden and being Adam's wife. When she refused, He cursed her, condemning her kids to an early grave. Every day, one hundred of her descendants will die.

Lilith wasn't too happy about that. Unless an amulet with an angel's name is hung over a newborn infant, she'll kill it.

The end!

You're not going to find this story in the Bible. Its earliest recording is the Alphabet of ben Sirach , a medieval text (dated around 700-1000 CE) that's a collection of Hebrew and Aramaic proverbs. Whether or not this story was widely known before the book was written, nobody knows, although there are a lot of possible origins to Lilith's story that go back centuries earlier.

I like this story. I think someone took a look at Genesis and asked, "If Adam was created from the earth, why was Eve created from his rib?"

And someone probably said, "Well, that would've made women equal to men."

"Well, what's wrong with that?"

Cue Lilith, who dared to ask for equal treatment and better sex.

Obviously, Lilith didn't get a lot of sympathy in ancient times. There's the child-murder, for one thing. These days, that part's usually dropped in modern retelling. But aside from that, ancient people had a bigger problem with Lilith. This was a woman who didn’t take shit from any man--human, god, or otherwise--and who decided sexual freedom was better than married life. *gasp* Scandalous!

These days, Lilith's getting a lot more sympathy. During the feminist movement of the 1960s, there was a surge of Liliths. Essays, stories, articles...there was even a whole magazine called Lilith in 1976 written by Jewish feminists. The movement upgraded Lilith from demon/monster to strong feminine symbol.

Modern Satanists (yeah, these guys are a thing, and some of the nicest people I've ever met) elevated Lilith to a goddess, since she's often seen as Satan's consort, and therefore, Princess of Hell. She's seen as a strong female presence in Satanism, often as a deity of contraception and sexual freedom.

Personally, I see the evolution of Lilith as a positive sign in the world of women's rights. For thousands of years, a woman's worth was determined only by the man she married and the amount of children she had. If she did neither, then the only other option was being a nun. Above all, the men were in charge. You did not question that. That's why Lilith was so feared and hated: she ran counter to everything a "respectable" woman was.

Now, we see through Lilith's transformation the transformation of women as a whole. Or, rather, the transformation of people's perspective of women. Obviously we still have a long way to go; I’m sure plenty of people reading this see Lilith only as a dirty slut not worth the scum of your shoe. But overall the Lilith lifestyle has become more acceptable in Western society.

So for women, Lilith’s story is one of sexual freedom and power. And for men? The moral is: make sure your lady gets at least as many orgasms as you do, or you’ll end up with the literal mother of demons.

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